


Then...

by valerierosemberg



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Could Be Canon, Gen, Growing Up, Minor Violence, Non-Graphic Violence, POV John Winchester, Parent John Winchester, Pre-Canon, Pre-Season/Series 01, Pre-Stanford, Protective John Winchester, Sam Leaves for Stanford, i think, right before season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:03:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8032456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valerierosemberg/pseuds/valerierosemberg
Summary: John would do anything he had to do in order to protect his kids, but sometimes it was hard to know what that was.





	Then...

**Author's Note:**

> And I keep my promise, here's something for today.
> 
> Happy Supernatural Day!

It had been hard, raising the boys alone. It was hard looking at Dean grow bigger and more like her every day, with her spirit, her stubbornness, the damned kid even had her nose; but he could decide it was harder, to the point it hurt, watching Sam growing with the innocence and character he himself had lost on the fire. 

He loved the kids so much, but how can you love something so fragile, something that can be taken away at any moment by something creeping on the shadows, waiting. 

He tried to conceal the truth to the smallest child as best as he could without leaving him defenseless, hoping his spirit would survive. 

But it was too late for Dean, he had been branded by the flames, by lost. He remembers vividly how his heart clenched when the boy came to him with a trembling lip and asked about his mother; he still remembers how something seemed to broke inside him when he heard the words "She won't come back". And he had promised himself to harden him, to harden everything breakable he had. 

He recalls every hunt he ever went without the kids, the way something bugged him when they stopped crying for his presence and ran to hug Bobby; and when it did more than bugging when he heard the man saying he had taken his oldest to play with a goddamned ball instead of teaching him to be prepared, he had denied himself from spoiling that child because he couldn't lose him, how dare this man to enjoy it and putting his son in danger with the pathetic excuse of him being a boy? 

Then Sam grew up and stopped being oblivious to the truth, not that he had concealed it with much effort, but it seemed Dean had pampered the boy so much, he had remained fragile for too long; now, he couldn't take him to a hunt and have him die, but he could at least have him research and learn about what he later on would be facing. 

And that day seemed to always be postponed by the older hunter, every hunt he would tell himself Dean would be help enough if he needed it. He would find himself wishing he could find his revenge without the boy ever having to be face to face with a monster again; but it wasn't like that, the boy had an urge to follow his older brother. 

He couldn't decide whether it was a good or a bad thing how much the two boys were attached to one another, the way the youngest seemed to see the other with mesmerized eyes as if he was his hero. 

He fell into a habit once the three of them started hunting together, he felt safer knowing they could defend themselves, not depending on anyone else to do it for them. 

But then it came the night Sam had came to him with a smile. 

-I got into Stanford. 

And with those words, he felt the cold air filling his body. He was leaving them, to be completely exposed in a World that was numbed into a complete ignorance of the true dangers around them. 

But he couldn't have his kid become one of those people who died within five minutes of facing a supernatural creature. He would fight for his safety, even if he had to fight the boy itself. 

With determined mindset, he fought, with words, with screams, with his fists, but it was no use. So he hardened himself against the lost of the child he had wanted to protect all this time, and he resorted to the last curse of action. 

-Think what you're doing boy, and think it well. I don't want you crawling your ass back when you change your mind. 

But for those moments, he forgot he was talking to a child after his father. 

-I won't, I will get as far away from this life as I can. 

Maybe both him and Mary had always been stubborn. 

-If you walked through that door, don't ever come back. 

Something within him regretted those words the moment he saw something he had never wanted to see again, something breaking inside one of his children; but it was late and he refused to give in. 

It was until months passed that he started to feel the weight of his words and actions, not only on his own shoulders, but on Dean's. 

Trying to hide his trips to Stanford was useless, but he kept doing them to make sure nothing harmed his boy, even when he could find someone guilty of it by simply looking at the mirror. 

… 

And it is in this moment that John remembers all of this, hearing the demon in front of him burst in laughter after asking about his sons by their names. 

-Don't worry John, all your work won't change their fate. We all have some good things planned for those two; your eldest will still beg for us to kill him like a little girl. –with a blood filled mouth, the monster smiles- And your youngest, oh the little Sammy, we have something big for that kid. 

The man opens the bottle on his hand and with a flick of his wrist, sends the apparently innocent liquid directly at the demon's face, making it scream while it reacts like boiling oil over the skin. 

-What are you talking about? Speak! 

Waiting just a second, he repeats his previous action. 

Black eyes focus on his and another twisted smile is directed his way. 

-Oh, John, you see. Sam was chosen, since he was a little child, to fulfill a function for us, to help us. 

It takes all of him to refrain from spilling all the filling of the bottle to the face looking at him. 

-There's nothing you can do, this is bigger than you, it's bigger than all of us. 

And with a fit of laughter, the demon quickly snaps the neck of the vessel he's possessing. 

John can't do anything else but exorcise the creature and check the vitals of the now corpse who used to be a young man. 

From then, it takes less than two minutes to find a resolution. 

… 

-Dad, are you okay? Is that your blood? 

Dean runs to meet his father, searching for any wound that could cause his clothing to be soaked in red splatters, but when he finds nothing, settles down. 

-I'm okay, got jumped by something on the road. 

John waits for the firm nod before he speaks again. 

-I need you on a hunt in New Orleans. 

The young man waits for the other hunter to continue, listening carefully to the details and smiling proudly when he finds he'll be doing this hunt on his own. 

-Okay, I'll leave in the morning, you'll stay here? 

Without missing a beat, the other turns around to take his baggage over his shoulders. 

-I have to head to another hunt at Jericho. 

The smile fades from Dean at those words, but he remains silent either way. 

-Take care, son. 

He says it as natural as possible, as neutral as can be. 

-Yes, sir. 

When John arrives to the door, he stops, wishing he could hug the other tight without him suspecting something wrong, but he doesn't. 

For a moment he wishes he could have the life he had dreamed once –so long ago it seemed- and be the kind of father that holds his children against his chest and wishes them well while kissing their temples, he wishes those things on the shadows to stop existing, he wishes he could have been happy when Sam left for college. But, shaking his head, he tells those wishes he did something better, he prepared them. 

And a last wish shows itself then, only for a second. 

He wishes he could believe those words.

**Author's Note:**

> You got the joke of the first five minutes? Sometimes I like to think I'm funny.
> 
> The funny thing is I don't really like John as a father, but I know he never really wanted to hurt his children.  
> I hope you like this and I hope you had a great day.
> 
> Feel free to comment about the fanfic or about what you did today.  
> I wore three layers of clothes for the first time in ages just to take spn related pics x.x


End file.
